Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Dear Lord, are you trying to kill me??!!

So, this weekend was packed, packed, packed full of things to do. Both Phillip and I had socials/alumni weekends with our greek organizations that we participated in. Let's start with Friday night. Friday night Kate, Nishelle, and I cooked 5o hamburgers for the next days cookout with my SAI sisters. Needless to say, the sisterhood donated money, but not enough to cover 50 burgers. So, I had to settle for the cheap, already patted out, thin, Walmart brand burgers. They were a great size in the packaging it came in. Then we cooked them. They shrunk to the size of golf balls. And, they took FOREVER to cook. Needless to say, while they were shrinking they were emitting a crap-load of grease/fat, which made them shrink. This grease/fat dripped down into my grill and made it shoot flames constantly. So, we splashed water onto it to make it chill out. We did this with 50 burgers!! So, by the end of this grill-fest, we had water running out of our very nice, and still somewhat new grill. This was not just water though my friends. This was fat with a splash of water, running out under my grill, onto my beautiful porch. Running like a river of beef fat (sounds delicious doesn't it?) Then, Phillip decides he's gonna be nice and take over the grill and watch the last batch of burgers. After this, he turns the grill ALLLLLL THE WAY UP to burn off the grease and stuff left on the grates. Mr. Smart Guy forgets he leaves the grill on. Meanwhile, I'm inside cooking breakfast for dinner for the 4 of us. I walk over to the pantry and see my husband walk outside, lift the lid of the grill, then watch the largest flames I have EVER seen leap out reaching for him, and the cover on our porch.
All I could do is freeze in my steps and say "OH MY GOD!" This is the crazy part.... I'm standing still, but my insides are freeeeeeeaking out going," oh my god, my husband, my porch, my house! Oh *#@#!!! " Phillip is just standing there calmly amazed by the bright orange flames that are leaping towards him, about to catch my lovie on fire! He then calmly grabs the cup of water sitting next to the grill, throws it on the flames, closes the lid, and turns the gas and everything else off. He turns around and sees me through the glass doors and smiles and says, "Holy crap, did you see that?" All I can do is say, "uh huh!" I walk outside and he points down the porch at the smoke billowing out into the forest of our backyard and says, "Wow!" I'm wondering what the smell is that I'm smelling, because it is not just the grill catching on fire. I look and it's the pan that we were keeping the burgers in. The plastic we had on top to keep the bugs out is pretty much non-existent now..... melted to a crisp. Nice!~ Now that I look back on it, I think to myself, oh my god, my fears are confirmed! I'm gonna be the worst momma ever! I'm gonna watch my kid stick their fingers in a socket or something, totally catch on fire, and all I'll be able to do is stand there going "oh god!"
On to Saturday. Our SAI function was pretty much all day. I get home, relax on the couch after almost setting MYSELF on fire at the grill during the picnic since I was in charge of the burgers. I smell like charcoal and outdoors, it's not good. Then, Phillip calls and says he is bringing the guys over. That's cool. I don't really have a problem with that b/c I haven't seen them in a while, and I love his guys. So, about 10 of them come over, hang out, and share good times.
On to Sunday, Phillip has left early in the morning to go to a cookout and all day event of some sort. So, I sleep in, then mosey myself over to the couch (un-bathed, and still in my jammies) watch a bit of "Juno", mosey to the kitchen and fix myself a fantastic breakfast (covered in cheese), then finish watching the movie. Phillip calls me in my moment of relaxedness and peace and says, well, the grill here got flooded with the rain. I say, "oh, babe, I'm sorry. That sucks." He says, "you know, our grill is under a covered porch right?" Right then, I get that image of the flames licking at my husband again, and then catch on to what he's saying. I don't say anything. He says, "Do you mind if they come over?" Picture this kids, I can't say it enough... I'm sitting/porking-out on the couch with my breakfast, dirty, smelling like yesterdays grill-fest at the park, in jammies, and about to catch up on my sleep like Gizzy who is asleep in my lap. I reluctantly say yes, remembering how he so graciously helped me co-host an event at our house with all of my sisterhood only a few months ago. So, I say, how many.... I'm thinking about 15. Nope, it's around 30. So, I shoot out of my seat (poor Gizzy shot in the air along with me) and get to zooming around the house. I ask Phillip to take his time getting to the house b/c I still have to clean the house, wash all the dishes in the sink, and then clean my charcoal-laden self.
So, as I'm shooting around the house he keeps calling me!! Seriously!? I'm for real out of breath (oh-so-obviously as I'm breathing heavy into the phone) and he keeps calling me!!!????? I love this guy, but I really think he's trying to kill me. Anyway, I get showered and cleaned and mingle with all the guys, watch the grill go through another torturous grilling of many many many packs of hamburgers and hot dogs for the guys, listen to stories about one of the guys getting his man-parts pierced and how it took 6 months to heal because it kept getting infected (yikes!~ and ewwwww!!!), and loved every minute of it. The guys were great and are absolutely hilarious. It truly makes me miss my college days, but I'm so grateful to be where I am and with all that I have being so young and only 5 years into the "adult real world".
Long story right? yup, but I had to tell it. I'm tired all over again just thinking about this weekend. I think I'm gonna run home and take a nap during lunch.